Once Upon a Time ...

…Witchy lived in the quiet but spooky Transylvania Forest, where she had been casting spells to her heart's content for centuries (Read more here). She and her cauldron, Enchantra, kept themselves busy in her cottage deep in the woods, where she conjured up all sorts of fascinating magic. And a lot of grilled cheese sandwiches.

For a century or two, she had been dating the handsome 712-year-old Vladimir the Vampire, doing her best to ignore his obvious flirtations with the other witches. The fact that he was much younger than Witchy was something that always poked at her insecurities (not that she’d ever admit to having any).

Witchy and Enchantra in front of their cottage - art by Witchy

Secret Trauma

One night, a terrifying "something" happened to Witchy that she refuses to discuss. All she says is that a “secret trauma” forced her to become vegan (but to be honest, she's a bit of a drama queen so personally, I'll bet it was something really minor).

After refusing to kill anything anymore, she could no longer eat or use eye of newt, bat wings, dragon toes or other essential spell-casting goodies. As she puts it, all her spells “went wonky." With one hilarious — uh, I mean, upsetting — failure after another, she became the laughing stock of the forest and all the other witches shunned her. 

Illustration by Witchy

Broken Heart

Adding insult to injury, Vladimir dumped poor Witchy, making a polite excuse about them suddenly being incompatible. Because his survival depended on his craving for blood, he claimed that he had developed an allergy to her “vegan breath” that was bordering on anaphylaxis.

But Witchy knew that wasn’t the truth. He had always been far too concerned with what others thought of him, which was reflected in his obsessive grooming habits. He would never leave the coffin with even one hair out of place or a fang left unpolished.

So when she and her disastrous spells became the talk of the forest, she was painfully aware that he was thoroughly embarrassed by the snickering and pointing. Everywhere they went, there was whispering and giggling, and Witchy could feel him wanting to disappear into the forest floor.

“That was the last straw!” she says. “After all I’d done for him for a couple hundred years, and all the sacrifices I’d made — including giving up garlic in all my favourite foods like rat brain stew, or sweet and sour lizard hearts — I had to face the truth about him. He was a pinhead.”

Illustration by Witchy

So she packed up her cauldron, her toothbrush, and her stamp collection and headed west. She now lives in England, having found a tiny cottage in the woods near a quiet village, where she’s doing her best to adapt to a completely different culture. And she puts garlic in everything, even in her vegan ice cream, just because she can.

She is happy to have discovered a few things that are helping with her adjustment to a new life. The first was a very big deal. “Noodles!” she squealed, her cupboard overflowing with her favourite dried delight. “These are so good! I’d never heard of them till I came here. I guess there are no noodle trees in the Transylvania Forest.”

She liked them even more once she found out you’re supposed to cook them.

She’s also become a fan of home-brew beer. Apparently, a cauldron can be used for more than just casting spells and cooking food.

Another favourite discovery: "Tequila!" she says with a broad grin. Although there was no alcohol in the Transylvania Forest, so she doesn’t understand why she never remembers the things people say that she did after drinking it. “I think they’re making it up,” she says, shaking her head in disbelief. “That photo in the morning paper was Photoshopped!”

Photo taken by mystery stranger in the forest

New Love

Still nursing her broken heart upon her arrival in England, the last thing Witchy wanted to do was fall in love again. They say it happens when you’re least expecting it and that’s just how it unfolded for Witchy.

There she was, minding her own business when Cupid’s arrow pierced her heart once again. The new love of her life is Simon Cowell (although he has yet to be informed of their relationship). The very thought of him makes Witchy swoon. She kisses a photo of him "goodnight" as the sun is coming up before catching a few hours' sleep. 

Illustration by Witchy

Healing Journey

Witchy’s story is one of great healing and transformation, and she’s excited to share all she’s learned and done to find her way back to happiness.

Coming soon … the fun and heartwarming “Dear Witchy” podcast and subscribe to get her upcoming content on YouTube!

In the meantime, check out her first ebook, “5 Steps to Being Happy (Even When Your Spells Go Wonky and You Crash Your Broom Into a Tree)”

Go ahead! Click on the book cover!